he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
