You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
