Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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