the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
