I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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