If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.