so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.