I want to stick my p in your. b.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.