saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.