The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole