Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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