So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
