Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
