i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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