While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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