I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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