oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
