It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
