if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I touched a dick in church today
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
