Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
