Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
