He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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