I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
