He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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