Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
