I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
