just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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