if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
