Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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