Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
