please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
