I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
