Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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