One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
