So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
