East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
