I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
