dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
