every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
