if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
