I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
