Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This toilet bowl is my home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
