youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
