Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
