I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
