If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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