Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
