that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You can't motorboat a personality
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
