they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
