i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
