Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.