My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.