she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.