Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!