if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.