My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything