you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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