What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
