I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
