I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
