just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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