you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
