I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
