what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
