Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
