I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
