i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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