Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does