you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?