While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.