Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
