Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
