I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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