i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
