Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
