I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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