forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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